MA Santa Cruz Style: How We Began! December, 2020
written by anonymous
What I love about land MA meetings and (now Zoom) is that there are certain readings I can always count on for sure to occur at the meeting. I can trust the readings such as the Serenity Prayer, How it Works (12 steps) and Why it Works (the 12 traditions) and the Twelve Questions. I can also trust to hear other Marijuana addicts share their experience, strength and hope and the meeting usually ends with the Unity Prayer. While each group is autonomous and can add extra readings, I can always count on the twelve steps and the twelve traditions to be read at each and every meeting. The 12 steps and the 12 traditions are the glue that keeps us together, the how and why it works! MAWS outlines a specific script guide and it specifically states: “The 12 traditions are a guide for the group.” As a group we cannot be sustained nor survive with only one and/or the other? We must have both to be whole.MA is a thirty one years old and fairly young 12 self-help step recovery group for cannabis addicts. Much of our operations, our MA approved literature; our “Life with Hope” textbook, pamphlets, workbook and the regular New Leaf newsletter are a result of years of committees and subcommittees and districts coming together for a common goal to carry its message to the newcomer. And also, with an honest and sometimes desperate drive and desire to continue to stay clean and sober; individually and collectively. MA literature offers us an innovative universal language which many of us longed for in the mid to late 1980’s before Marijuana Anonymous was formally founded in June 1989.
I remember this well, as I still have my original 1986, AA, 12 and 12 book as evidence it is marked up in ink with ‘alcohol’ crossed out and ‘pot' written in its place. I also crossed out God with Goddess and he with she.
In late 1987, much to my humble experience, was a co-founder of a small Marijuana Addicts Anonymous group in Santa Cruz, CA. This was before the Loma Prieta Earthquake of 1989. It was a rainy night in the late winter of 1987, when we had our first informal meeting at Café Pergolesi on the Pacific Garden Mall in downtown Santa Cruz. The Café was at the time nestled between Bookshop Santa Cruz in a red brick courtyard behind The Santa Cruz Roasting Company. The same older brick building still exists today; with its amazing pre twentieth century 1865 beveled framed oak windows now known as ‘Lu Lu Carpenters Coffee Shop.’ This historic coffee shop survived. However, the adjoining building which was the home of ‘The Santa Cruz Coffee Roasting Company’ as well as a separate building ‘Bookshop Santa Cruz’ across the courtyard were both were destroyed during the Loma Prieta earthquake. The two historic landmarks were separated by an outdoor flower shop and mission style circular tile water fountain; in the lovely outdoor garden patio. The buildings were demised along with the death of two young people; one was lesbian classmate of mine from Cabrillo College and the other was a single father.
Earlier in the Fall of 1987, the late beloved Pj and I had attended a lecture which initiated our first informal MA meeting. It was a lecture that a young woman Psychiatrist had given at Dominican Hospitals’ educational series. The Doctorate student had done a thesis for her psychology studies project where she researched and documented a connection between chronic cannabis use disorder with anger and mood disorders. I was particularly interested in this because the main reason I was motivated to be clean off of marijuana was because I could not control my anger, my irritability and discontent with being a full-time single mom. Living beneath the poverty levels, along with my chronic compulsive consumption of cannabis during the Regan Economics era lead to our eventual homelessness from 1981-82 and again 1985-88. I was hurting my son with my uncontrollable rage, and my inability to provide for us; despite years of parenting classes, psychotherapy and multiple blue collar trade jobs and training. Namely with the San Diego Carpenters Union.
In the winter of 1981; I left a great secure job with the City of San Diego because I did not have childcare in the early mornings before pre-kindergarten began. My newfound job in Park maintenance at Balboa Park required me to start at 6:30 am; which was impossible to sustain as a single mom. I moved from an area of San Diego’s working class and drug infested neighborhood with a utopian hopeful idea to quit pot and build a community with other like minded New Age moms in the Feminist Lesbian subculture of Santa Cruz. Only to find 60 days into my newfound sobriety, a new girlfriend who introduced me to the best northern California Indigo, I had ever smoked.
Ok so back to the first MA meeting in Santa Cruz county: Our round table at Café Pergolesi was filled with about five of us: Pj (another lesbian woman), a few other men and me who were all AA/NA members. We had come from an AA meeting and were sipping, de-cafe latte, herbal tea, hot chocolates and eating soup and pastries. We all had one common thread; we were solely and only marijuana addicts who had lost control of any moderation or control of our marijuana use. We had newfound recovery in the open arms and progressive AA and NA meetings of Santa Cruz County. We embraced the steps, traditions and regular meeting attendance and most of us were clean and sober with sponsors. Sponsors, who suggested to us to also refrain from Alcohol. At least the late Pj and I, had expressed regularly in gratitude that we had been given ‘the gift of desperation’ and following suggestions of our elders came easily for us both. We believed our sponsors and Addiction Specialist counselors when they told us that Alcohol was a drug and/or a mind-altering substance which would release our addiction all over again, if we continued to drink alcohol, even occasionally. I like to call my addiction to cannabis the sleeping dragon which can easily awaken, become active again and burn the shit out of me, my loved ones and my life.
Luckily for me not to the ground; as I have been graced with merciful recovery despite a dozen different relapses over the last 34 years of my healing and recovery from cannabis addiction. I can honestly say that of the 34 years, 32 of these years are accumulative clean and sober 24 hour periods. The longest consecutive year for me was 13 ½ years and today I have over two years of accumulative clean and sober time. Accountability is essential and humbling as I come back to these rooms over and over to save my ass and not my face. My relapses have been brief and intense; lastly from 3-5 weeks each. This is why we tell people 'keep coming back' because the truth is the majority of us addicted to Cannabis will relapse. It does not mean we should or give us permission to do so. It is just the truth; cannabis is a very seductive drug. This is why I’m going to keep writing my story; so that I can reach all the suffering addicts who are too ashamed and too afraid to come back and they continue to use cannabis despite their desire not to.
We learned in those early AA and NA meetings a common and universal belief system that if we allowed our marijuana addict mind to even think we could drink, let alone partake in an occasional beer or glass of wine at weddings or holidays, it could or would eventually lead us back to our drug of choice, Marijuana. While I respect MA's singleness of purpose: I always love to say we did not start MA so we could drink on the weekend or snort coke on holidays.
We MA old (long) timers in Santa Cruz and the greater California area’s; (I believe) give great respect and honor to AA, as well as NA. AA is 85 years old this year, founded in 1935, AA is 55 years older than MA. I like to think of AA as our GrandMother and NA as our Mother program as NA was founded in 1953. Some of us timers (at least I do) still use the AA or NA 12x12 and/or the AA Big book or NA Basic Text as a companion to our "Life with Hope" text and our own fairly new workbook published in 2005. For me this has been my practice in recovery, sponsorship and service. For years before MA wrote the Life with Hope workbook, I worked oin the the NA workbook. I can relate to NA languages as an addict. NA also uses a more contemporary language in contract to the old English Christian language of the Big Book and 12 steps of AA. Respectfully, How to work the twelve steps are precisely and exactly outlined in the chapter of "How it Works' in the big book of AA. This is how and where MA developed and formatted the workbook columns for working the fourth step inventory: resentments, fears, sexual inventory and other harms done for our workbook.
That original Santa Cruz meeting, born in 1987 in the historic Café Pergolesi soon found a regular place to meet at the library and regularly met on Wednesday nights at 7 pm “The Happy Campers.” It was in existence until recently in 2018 it shut down. Maybe the new Zoom era will revive it?
So next time you're down Santa Cruz come on down to Lulu Carpenter’s across from the town clock. Have yourself a cup of coffee or herbal tea, read the history poster on the wall. Sit down at one of the wooden tables and think of Pj and myself (and those unknown guys) that started Marijuana Anonymous in this surfers stoners haven town of Santa Cruz. Pj is no longer with us as she passed away from Cancer too soon in 2014. So this here is a little tribute to her as we are the first out lesbians and gender non-conforming women of MA. Keep coming back. Santa Cruz is the home to the 6 newly formed daily women meetings started as a result of Shelter in Place on zoom. Women Wake and Embrace Recovery Sat. 9 am and Sisters off the Green Tues 9 am. are officially a part of district 3 south bay.
written by anonymous
KEEP COMING BACK NO MATTER WHAT.
